The Serbian-American scientist and inventor Nikola Tesla had a hard life. Despite being one of the most brilliant people in the world, he was screwed over multiple times by none other than Thomas Edison. The result of said screwings was that Tesla died poor, alone, and nearly forgotten by the world. Edison got the first laugh by destroying Tesla and smearing his inventions, but time has been kinder to Tesla. He has in fact been enjoying a rebirth in popular culture lately. Online cartoonist The Oatmeal (Matthew Inman) is among those reinterpreting Tesla’s place in the history of American inventors.
Today though you probably associate the name Tesla with Elon Musk’s electric car company, Tesla Motors. No doubt Tesla would be pleased to see his name being put to good use these days. But it begs the question: If Nikola Tesla were alive today, would he drive a Tesla car? Our answer: Abso-Freakin’-Lutely. Which got us thinking, if other dead scientists were alive today, what cars would they drive (aside from a Tesla of course).
1.) Einstein – Smart Car
Even though Einstein never drove a car (he didn’t know how to drive), his superior intellect would no doubt lead him to choose the explosive power of a Smart Car. Small, smart (obviously), and sporty, it’s the whole package for any Jewish German-American genius on the go.
2.) Carl Sagan – Nissan Leaf
Carl Sagan, the man who taught millions (including Neil Degrasse Tyson) to love science would no doubt be dismayed that fossil fueled cars still dominate the world. If he didn’t spring for a Tesla Motors Model S, he’d certainly opt for the 100 percent electric Nissan Leaf. Gotta preserve that pale blue dot.
3.) Da Vinci – Delorean
Even though most Deloreans have been turned into mobile Meccas of Back to the Future geekdom, there’s no doubt that if Leonardo Da Vinci came back as a zombie he would want one. Because how awesome would he (or anyone for that matter) look cruising through the Italian countryside in a Delorean?
4.) Edison – Pontiac Aztek
Thomas Edison single-handedly destroyed the life and career of Nikola Tesla, so what better car for him to drive than the Pontiac Aztek? This car’s horrible appearance definitely matches the inner wretchedness of his soul. Also – quite coincidentally – the Aztek single handedly ruined Pontiac, much like he ruined Tesla. It’s like they were made for each other.
5.) Neil Armstrong – Corvette
Neil Armstrong actually drove a Corvette in real life. Which makes me think that a possible zombie Neil Armstrong would want to keep the tradition alive. Being the first man on the moon is a pretty awesome title to carry through life, so you need a badass car to accompany you.
6.) Isaac Newton – Scion FR-S
As the discoverer of gravity and the grandfather of modern physics, Newton (if he were alive today…zombie Newton. I suppose) would want to drive something with a low center of gravity. Low center of gravity = less chance of horrible death or injury in a collision. The Scion FR-S is known for its ultra-low center of gravity. Perfect.
7.) Alexander Graham Bell – Chevy Malibu
Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone and ushered in the modern age of communication. I’m sure he’d be astounded to see how far we’ve come in the area of digital communication. He would need a car with awesome iPhone support and integration, making the Chevy Malibu an easy choice.
8.) Charles Darwin – Nissan Pathfinder
Charles Darwin’s car would have to be a fully equipped Nissan Pathfinder for purely practical reasons. The father of evolution would need something fully loaded and reliable to accompany him on those deep wilderness treks to study rare specimens.
9.) Galileo Galilei – Fiat 500
After being made a pariah by the Catholic church for his scientific work, a zombie Galileo would no doubt drive an Italian Fiat 500. Not because he has a particular amount of Italian pride, but as a way to spite the Vatican for screwing him over when he was alive (the first time). I can just imagine him driving around St. Peter’s Square screaming “I WON, SUCKERS MUHAHAHAHA!”
10.) Isaac Asimov – Dodge Caravan
America’s most famous science fiction writer didn’t particularly like driving (he called driving in Boston “anarchy on wheels”). But if Asimov came back to the modern age, he would probably need a car. Without a doubt he’d want something safe and affordable, like a mini van. It’s a nerdy car of course, but it would leave plenty of space in there for books and extra science. Make sure to share this one with the car heads and science nerds on your Facebook by clicking below.
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